How to Get Out of Depression: Principles That Actually Help

"Those who have walked the path know the way…"

The truth is, that each person has their own path, way and pace.

And yet, the the guiding principles remain the same.

I had a few years of… let’s call it ‘hands-on experience’ with depression :)

So when one of my clients asked me how I got out of it, it led me to reflect on what actually happened there, on a fundamental level.

*Depression a side - these principles are always valid and supportive, not only in a major crisis. I find myself returning to them again and again.

Shall we start?

1. Collect grains of sand:

It’s not one big thing. It’s many small choices and small actions that eventually accumulate. Like placing a grain of sand on a scale, at first the scale won’t show any change. Another grain, and another- still no change. But at a certain point, a critical mass is crosser. There are enough grains, and the scale finally shifts.

So don’t expect a voice from the heavens or one single thing to save you… collect grains of sand.

2. Crossroads:

This connects to the previous point. Small choices, and one simple question: “Is this moving me in a supportive, forward direction, or a depressive, downward one?”

Getting up to take a cold shower in the morning or staying in bed with the thoughts? Having a cigarette or practicing guitar? Lying on the couch in despair or putting on an uplifting song and dancing for a few minutes? Meditating or scrolling?

3. Working with fire- rephrase is:

Wanting something, desiring something, is a very powerful tool. Desire is an engine, a fire.

The sentence “I want to die” is probably familiar.. But is it the truth?

Or is the truth actually: “I want the suffering to stop,” “I want to feel good”?

Start directing your inner GPS toward what you do want.

Important nuance- don’t lie.

Don’t say “I love myself” or “I want to live” if that’s not true. The truth might be: “I want to love myself,” or “I want to want to live.”

4. Participate in the experiment.

Commitment to myself, without being dependent on any curtain outcome.

Just a willingness to take part in the experiment- the experiment to save myself. No comparisons to others, no comparison to the life I thought I was supposed to have. I enlisted in my own rescue.

5. Deadline / Parts approach.

It helped me to tell myself I would do everything to get out of it, whatever it takes: money, intensity, treatments. But (!) if it didn’t shift within six months, I could end my life.

Important: you need to allow enough time, because it takes time to climb out of the hole… and at that time you are fully committed to taking care of yourself

Important #2: I am absolutely not encouraging suicide, but ignoring strong voices within us is certainly not the path to healing. Here, we acknowledge the part that wants to end life and say to it: “Not now, but i hear you.”

The parts approach is essential to any process of change. We don’t leave parts behind, we move forward as a whole.

May we always, always be kind and loving to ourselves,

N times of pain,

In times of joy,

and in all the in-between moments.